The Pain Cloud

I have been down with influenza the past month. And other troubles as well. Nothing new or interesting about that. But the interesting thing that happened was I lost my voice (am still voiceless) due to the infection, and that has been a great learning experience to be unable to say even “hmmm” (my favorite word). In the past two decades, each part of my body has gone on solitary or orchestrated strikes off and on, teaching me the value and function of each of them, but being voiceless is a new thing for me.

——-

Yesterday I spent many hours in an emergency room, clutching a pen and a notebook (always a source of great comfort to me in stressful times, now a tool of communication), and the minutes I was alone led to these thoughts:

Strange things people take
To mellow, numb or intoxicate.
Not me.
I founder down the day in a daze
Hours hum by past my bleary haze
Blaring white noise blasting my brain
Pathetically plastered on agonizing pain.

———

The person far more distressed than me for my lost voice is my music loving two year old daughter, who needs me to sing songs all day to her. Oh, ok, I don’t sing, I croak songs, my singing voice and musical intelligence are both croaky, but she does not know that yet.

6 thoughts on “The Pain Cloud

  1. Jas

    oh! that must have been really difficult… Hope you are getting better and your daughter begins to hear those croaks again :)

    Reply
  2. themoonstone

    Dealing with chronic pain is such a difficult thing and I think you must need loads of patience and courage to endure it. I hope your child can hear your voice soon. Get well soooon !!!

    Reply
    1. Nomad Post author

      It is scientifically very intriguing! People don’t know how the long term pain itself, no matter what its origin, affects many different aspects of a person’s brain, psychology and body. Recent years have seen the emergence of pain as an active field of research, and “pain management” as a specialty.Thinking of writing a post! But I don’t like to dwell on it much, so have not wriitten till now…

      Reply
  3. Amit

    I have a fear that I will lose my sight one day. Your post has inspired me to look at that fear in the eye.
    I hope you get well soon and vibrate the air.

    Reply
    1. Nomad Post author

      Thank you for your wishes, Amit.
      I know what you mean. Being unable to see, hear or speak are more terrifying to me than being immobilized.

      Reply

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